I struggle with depression and to a lesser degree anxiety. It has never kept me in bed but it has kept me in my house and I have struggled some with destructive thoughts. As a Christian, I’ve been blessed to have a Guide through all of this. Jesus Christ, my Savior, King, Advocate, and Deliverer. He has helped me persevere in this battle and survive it. He has fought by my side and even fought for me. Because of Him, I am an overcomer! Some will say that He is my crutch. Some will say that I am weak or believe in fairy tales. Some will say that believing there is a God and believing in Jesus is proof that I’m mentally ill. I don’t care what others say. I just know what I’ve lived. I know the hell that the darkness of depression is, and how even during that deepest darkest time when I was living life in a deep dark fog and feeling alone, He was there holding me. I could feel His presence in the midst of the darkness. He was the small dim flicker of hope in that deep, cold, dark dungeon of despair that I was stuck in. It was He that pulled me through. If He’s a crutch then so be it. I would never want to go through this life without my Crutch!
Life is a difficult, fun, and adventurous journey. Because of my struggle with depression, it’s been more difficult than fun for me. Yet, I choose to dwell on the fun times and the blessing of life. The blessing of having an Advocate and Companion who fights the demons for me. A few years ago I wrote the poem, “Life’s Pathway.” I’d like to share it with you now.
As I’ve journeyed on this path through life,
I’ve traveled over boulders, moss, and sand.
Each one presenting challenges and strife;
refining me into who I am.
I’ve sauntered along on sunny days enjoying the coolness of the breeze;
and chopped my way through jungle grass, untangling the weeds.
I’ve climbed the mountain boulders, scraping up my knees,
and danced happily through the meadows, scattering the seeds.
I’ve valiantly battled the storms of life —
fighting the monster of depression.
I’ve untangled myself from the vines of strife
and bathed in the streams of compassion.
As I journeyed through the darkest hours
stumbling over boulders — huge,
I had a source of strength and power —
Jesus Christ, my refuge.
Not only has Christ been my refuge but he has been my guide, my source of strength, my deliverer, and sustainer. I can honestly say that I would not be here today if it wasn’t for him. I would have given up and let the monster have me. His voice was calling to me through the darkness and despair. Guiding me, drawing me into the safety of his protective arms, and holding me during my darkest hours. He was (and is) my safe hiding place and deliverer who guided me through the valleys of the shadow of death in my life.
“Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
They comfort me.”
“You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.”
I just want to conclude by saying that if you are struggling with depression, don’t give up. It’s a lonely battle but you are not alone. The lies that are speaking loudly in your head saying things like: “Life’s not worth this struggle.” “You’re a burden.” “Your family would be better off without you.” “You are not good enough.” “You are a failure.” “The darkness and despair will never go away.” and all the other voices are LIES. They are the depression and illness talking. Don’t give up. Keep fighting. You are not alone. You are loved, precious, and valued. You were placed on earth for a purpose and are loved and treasured by the One who designed you. He loves you more than anyone ever could. If you cry out to Him he will fight for you and rescue you. Remember you are so special that He gave his life for you so that you may live. He doesn’t want you to fight alone. It is not a fairy tale. I know from experience that He is real. The spiritual realm is real. You are loved by your Maker and your life is valuable. ❤
The post was inspired by the Five Minute Friday Prompt: Guide
(For Five minute Friday we “Write for five minutes on the word of the week. This is meant to be a free write, which means: no editing, no over-thinking, no worrying about perfect grammar or punctuation. Just write.” (Quote from FMF site.)